HE appeared at my office doorway to ask a question, but it was more like a male's search for a female's affirmation. His predicament: Earlier that day, a woman wearing shorts and a loose-fitting blouse had stopped by the newsroom to sit with him and chat. But as she talked and leaned over, my co-worker confessed, he was able to see the hills and valleys of her ample chest area. If women dress sexy,
can men stare?"What was I supposed to do?" he asked, his arms spread out imploringly.
Well, what did you do, I inquired with all of the warmth and understanding of a Democrat on the Judiciary Committee grilling Ken Starr.
"Er, I tried not to look," he responded meekly.
Good answer, my friend. Nothing irritates a woman more than a man addressing her cleavage. How would a guy like it if a gal made conversation with his crotch?
I assured my associate that he had done the right thing. But my mind was silently mouthing this just-as-rhetorical query: So whadda ya want -- a medal?
The gender gap lives.
When women dress in comfortable and maybe less than conservative clothes, it's probably because they want to escape the humidity. To men, it's because they are intent on seduction.
When women are animated and friendly to the opposite sex, it's because Venutians are naturally sociable creatures. To the Martians, it is because we are on the make.
Men figure: 1) If it's there, it can be ogled. 2) If women don't want to be gawked at, we should cover up. 3) If males fight off their natural urge to be voyeurs, they should be rewarded.
To which women respond: 1) Why is it if women ogle men, we are considered sluts? 2) Since when do women have to get permission to wear anything we like, thank you very much. 3) A reward? So to whom should we make out the check? (Not)
I know, I know, it's easy for me to say. I've had conversations with women wearing low-cut evening gowns and silk blouses that flop open when they bend forward or turn the wrong way. That's when I pat my own chest and quietly warn them, "Watch out."
By pointing out the yawning gap between clothing and skin, a female can tell other females that -- unless they're intent on being exhibitionists -- they're the stars of a free public display.
But men can't do this, or can they? If a woman is inadvertently showing too much, and a man can see inside her blouse, would she mind if he patted his own chest and pointed out her fashion faux pas? Would such a gentlemanly response elicit a glare, a slap or an embarrassed, "Oh, thanks for telling me."
OUT of true journalistic curiosity, I asked six women in the newsroom if they would want a male they didn't know very well to tell them if he could see, ahem, the hills and valleys of their respective chest areas. Three said yes, three said no.
Then, in the spirit of gender equity, I did the same survey with men. Six male reporters were polled if they'd want a female they didn't know very well to tell them if their zippers were down. Again -- three yes, three no. Darn, this was confusing.
Maybe the safest answer for both males and females to the question, "What am I supposed to do?," is this: Er, try not to look. As Bill Clinton learned the hard way, keep your eyes on the eyes.
Diane Yukihiro Chang's column runs Monday and Friday.
She can be reached by phone at 525-8607, via e-mail at
DianeChang@aol.com, or by fax at 523-7863.