GO to the bookstore and see May 4 issue of Time magazine on sale. Cover story is on new wonder drug Viagra, with illustration of male and female hugging. Try to surreptitiously pay for publication and slip out, when eagle-eyed, much too inquisitive 13-year-old suddenly appears, points to mag and asks, "So what's this all about?" And now a word about,
err, umm, ViagraOh, great. Here we go. "OK, now remember when we talked about how men and women have sex, and that before the man can have sex, he has to get excited, and, umm, so the man's sexual organ has to get, you know, in a certain state, well, this new medication called Viagra helps him to, umm..."
"Get sexually aroused," the teen says matter-of-factly.
"Yes! Exactly!" Am relieved that concept is understood, expressed so eloquently and that, for time being, topic of conversation seems to be over.
Go home, retreat to privacy of own room, take magazine out of brown paper bag and proceed to read about Viagra, the highly touted "cure" for impotence being marketed by Pfizer that is breaking sales records in first two weeks on market.
Kick self for not buying Pfizer stock a year ago.
Marvel at foresight of Atlanta urologist Dr. John Stripling, who processed -- on first day Viagra was available -- 300 prescriptions with help of little rubber stamp he had purchased earlier.
Try to follow eye-glazing scientific explanation of how medication works, which has to do with prolonging effects of cyclic GMP, a chemical in the penis.
Am confused by mixed reactions of those who have tried the pill, ranging from "explosive" orgasms to nada.
Admire journalistic prowess of Time writer Bruce Handy and laugh at line, "Cheap gas, strong economy, erection pills -- what a country!"
Applaud sex adviser Dr. Ruth Westheimer's astute belief that "even if a man has an erection from floor to ceiling and can keep it that way for an hour, it will not be pleasurable for a woman if he is not sexually literate."
Hiss at Penthouse publisher Bob "Me Man, You Sex Object" Guccione's observation that "feminism has emasculated the American male, and that emasculation has led to physical problems. This pill will lead to new relationships between men and women and undercut the feminist agenda."
Ponder all the prime-time broadcast media attention being lavished on male sexual dysfunction, while women's medical problems like frigidity, yeast infections, menstrual cramps and fibroids get scant coverage except on TV health segments.
PUT down magazine and foolishly go to get glass of juice. Return to supposed sanctity of room but am chagrined to find eagle-eyed, much too inquisitive 13-year-old thumbing through Viagra article.
Teen stops at cartoon of elderly woman who is reading in bed and casually asking, with her eyes on the book, "Do those pills seem to be working, Sweetie?," while standing at mirror is befuddled-looking husband who resembles a satyr, the mythological Greek creature with head and body of man, legs of a goat and reputation for lecherous revelry.
Thirteen-year-old points to cartoon and says, "I don't get it."
Lord, give me strength. "OK, now, the husband has turned into a satyr, see, which the Greeks believed like to party, and he just took some Viagra, so, umm..."
Diane Yukihiro Chang's column runs Monday and Friday.
She can be reached by phone at 525-8607, via e-mail at
DianeChang@aol.com, or by fax at 523-7863.