Parents - you can't live with 'em . . .
By Jennifer Hee
My revelation occurred while hanging out solo in a place where I was fortunate enough to celebrate New Year's Eve: the Los Angeles Airport. I think the raunchy airplane food I consumed had mind-altering effects.
Anyhow, I believe I have figured out why children often don't get along with their parents. It's quite simple. Ready?
OK. Sometimes the adults who claim to be your progenitors are NOT your progenitors. In a few cases, as mine, one's parents have been replaced by government agents doing psychological studies on how much anxiety a daughter/son can take before crossing the threshold to mental instability. My theory may sound improbable, but I can support my hypothesis:
Evidence No. 1 - The Argumentative Fallacy: Arguing with parents is a frustrating and futile game that is impossible for the poor, helpless child to win. Why? Because parents give inane and irritatingly terse answers that lack all reason. Sample:
Child: "Why is it wrong?"
Parent: "Because I said so."
Child: "Why?"
Parent: "It just is."
Child: "No one else thinks so."
Parent: "But it is."
Child: "Why can't I go out?"
Parent: "Because you can't."
Child: "Am I physically unable?"
Parent: "You just can't. Because."
Grrr! To add to the frustrating nature of these fights, parents are able to keep their voice monotonous and steady while the child gets louder and starts to foam at the mouth. One day I plan to reverse their circular argumentative techniques, as in "Why did you get a D in astronomy?" "Because I did, that's why."
Ah yes, a lovely homecoming it was. "Get off the phone (you've been on more than two seconds)" and "Be home before 12 or your car will become nonexistent."
I had felt so emancipated for four glorious months.
Implied is, don't go out. Of course I would take my sister anywhere, but she's only allowed out with me in the daylight since she is all of two years younger .
Another ploy is bribery. "If you stay at home for school we'll buy you a new car."
Hmmm. Total freedom and no adult discipline vs. a new car that comes with certain imprisonment. Gosh, darn, tough choice.
Why would parents continue these cruel traditions? I would never ever treat my offspring this way no matter how many times my mom says, "Just wait until you have kids." (Bet you heard that one too.) God forbid they might turn out like me. Oh no!
Maybe the reason they don't want me to study psychology is because I may learn to turn all their sneaky tactics back on them. One even keeps secret from the other the dominant-parent phenomenon.
The reason one parent is often the arbiter of all household law is because while one has been replaced by a government agent, the other has been merely brainwashed. In my case, it's my dad who is unable to make decisions.
Me: "Hey dad, can I breathe?"
Dad: "I don't know. Ask your mother."
Jennifer Hee is a 1997 Iolani graduate who is attending Harvard University. Rant & Rave is a Tuesday Star-Bulletin feature
allowing those 12 to 22 to serve up fresh perspectives.
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