Associated Press
Chastity Bono, right, appears in the episode of "Ellen,"
starring Ellen Degeneres, middle, in which Ellen's mom,
played by Alice Herson, wrestles with the
knowledge that Ellen is gay.
Bono promotes openness
By Tim Ryan
Star-BulletinThe last time Chastity Bono was in Hawaii she and her girlfriend took a sick bird to the East Maui Animal Refuge and ended up adopting a cat which they named Kihei. "The people working there are really so great and work so hard," said Bono, the daughter of the one-time singing duo of Sonny and Cher. "It's a wonderful place."
Nursing a sick bird back to health is hardly the picture you expect of a celebrity daughter who, as a child, joined mom and dad on stage to sing "I Got You Babe."
Now entertainment and media director of GLAAD, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Discrimination based in Beverly Hills, Bono, 28, will be the featured speaker at opening night ceremonies of the weeklong Honolulu Gay & Lesbian Cultural Festival.
Bono still doesn't know exactly what she'll talk about, except "probably" it will include a pep talk urging Hawaii's gay and lesbian community to become more active in getting same-sex marriage legislation passed, and that involves "educating fair-minded" heterosexuals about the volatile issue.
Bono fears that Hawaii's free-spirited atmosphere has lulled gay and lesbians into "a kind of political apathy."
"The (same-sex) marriage issue is so important to us nationally . . . that we must get our message out," Bono said in a telephone interview from Los Angeles. "Hawaii's gays and lesbians really need to step up to the task. Ultimately, it's the people who live in Hawaii who have the weight on their shoulders."
Information and education won't be wasted on "homophobes and bigots," she said.
"You have to reach fair-minded, moveable, straight people. We have to get articles and op-eds in local newspapers, public service announcements on television, and conduct town hall meetings."
Bono emphasizes that job discrimination against gays is a campaign priority.
Another important issue in promoting the gay rights movement is getting "closet" gay and lesbians "to come out."
"What seems to have a great effect on straight people is realizing they know someone who is gay or lesbian and (to) see that they contribute to society like everyone else," she said.
Bono knows intimately the pain of rejecting her sexual orientation and struggling to keep it hidden.
"I didn't really notice it much until I got into high school. . . . We all have different childhoods and nobody's is perfect. As a child, it's easy to adapt to a lot of different situations and it just becomes the norm."
After Chastity joined the High School of Performing Arts in New York at 14, there was huge media interest in her personal life. Supermarket tabloids jumped on the suggestion that Cher's little girl was a little gay.
"I didn't cope with it well," Bono said.
Bono maintained a steady relationship with her female partner, but the couple was forced to live "with the blinds closed."
"It was hell," she said.
She told her father, then mayor of Palm Springs, when she was 18. Sonny - now a Republican congressman for California - was supportive from the beginning. Mom found out during a weekend at the home of actor Tom Cruise, when she discovered Chastity with her first serious girlfriend.
"Dad reacted much better than my mom," Bono said. "She had gay friends, but I was her daughter. There was a lot of 'What did I do wrong?' and "How is the world going to treat her?' going on."
Joint therapy sessions followed.
"It took a long time to get to the place where she's at now," Bono said. "It's a long process for families that goes through different stages. You don't just announce it and that's it. You must keep your family involved in your life; that can be difficult."
Bono was terrified that publicly being outed would threaten her budding musical career. As lead singer of her band, Ceremony, she had signed a deal with Geffen Records.
"They panicked, saying I had to deny it, that there was no way I could be out and have a career in music. So I went back in the closet, for years. The quality of my life altered drastically because of the tabloids. They took my freedom away."
She changed her mind in 1994 with the death from cancer of Joan Stephens, her long-term partner.
"When something that traumatic happens it really changes your values. I didn't want to compromise my life any more. It was so intolerant I couldn't stand it any longer. (Coming out) was the greatest thing I ever did."
Bono is writing a coming out guide for gay people and their families, "Family Outing."
She believes people who reject the gay orientation do so because they think it's a choice or because it's condemned in the bible.
"Why would anyone choose this lifestyle? Bono said. "Nobody in their right mind would choose something that's hated and discriminated against, (can get you) beaten up and killed or can get you fired from your job in 41 states."
And while biblical scriptures may condemn homosexuality, they also condemn "other things like eating shellfish, or wearing blended fabrics," Bono said.
"If that were followed, there would have been no polyester. That would have wiped out everyone in the '70s."
Honolulu Gay & Lesbian
Cultural FestivalEvents include theatrical and dance performances, exhibits and films
When: From Friday through Aug. 23
