The former Fresno State head coach was always good for a laugh or two during the sometimes tedious interviews with media members throughout the league. Now that Sweeney retired, many wondered who would step in and give an opening monologue worthy of David Letterman's consideration.

Their question was answered by vonAppen. He did his best to entertain before describing what the University of Hawaii football team would be like in the fall.

"The first year is what they call transitional years, do they not? vonAppen asked the print media members, who Rodney Dangerfield would claim is a tough crowd. "Anyway, it was painful in a lot of respects.

"It was about as much fun as your yearly visits to the proctologist -- an up-periscope situation. Perhaps some of you enjoy it, I didn't.

"We had what we thought was a reasonable recruiting year last year. I don't think you'll ever have a football coach step before you and say, 'Gee, I had a horse s--- recruiting year.' They just don't do it.''

VonAppen went on to describe last year's passing and catching efforts in a light and descriptive manner that produced several chuckles from around the room.

"We weren't very adroit passing the ball, those of you who got to see us,'' vonAppen said. "Sometimes, the passes were going kind of place-kicker style across the field.

"So we take him (quarterback Glenn Freitas) off after a series and ask him, 'Now, how are you gripping that ball again?' And clearly we had some receivers, who had extensive soccer background because they tried to head a lot of the balls that were thrown to them.''

Granted, vonAppen won't be invited to the comedy club in downtown Dallas, but the writers concurred that the second-year coach was the most Sweeney-like in the Pacific Division.

COMMISH SIDELINED: Western Athletic Conference commissioner Karl Benson had eye surgery and was unable to attend yesterday's meetings.

He will be back in time for the Wyoming-Ohio State game at the end of next month. Benson still gave a state-of-the-league address by conference call.

Despite some concerns that Benson caved into the Bowl Alliance by accepting a compromised proposal, he feels the deal is a worthy one.

Starting in 1998, the WAC can receive an at-large bid if it's among the top six teams in the country. If not, each conference member will receive $100,000 as part of the alliance package.

''I know some people felt we should have held out for more, but we felt this was in the best interest of the league,'' Benson said.

The breakdown of postseason play for the WAC is like this. If the league has a team in the top six, it will receive an at-large bid for a major bowl game. If not, the WAC will send a team to either the Cotton or Holiday bowls.

"In our new deal, the Copper Bowl will be forced to take the loser in the WAC championship game if it has one more Division I win than any other team in the WAC,'' Benson said.

"We knew last year that the loser (Wyoming, 10-2, but no bowl bid) of our championship game would be vulnerable. We wanted to create some degree of protection.''

Benson also said that when the current bowl deals run out, he wants to explore the possibilities of the Sun and Aloha bowls selecting WAC teams. As of now, those two bowls take schools from the Pac-10 and Big 12.

ODDS AND ENDS: The Dallas Morning News poll of league coaches picked the Rainbows to finish seventh in the Pacific Division.

"At least we weren't picked last,'' vonAppen quipped. The media poll was due out today.

The local newspaper also asked its readers what they would prefer the paper to cover -- Big 12 or WAC. By a 6-1 margin, the readers were more interested in the Big 12.

Attendance figures dropped in 1996. The numbers were the lowest since 1980. Of the six newest members, the only teams that increased in attendance over 1995 were Tulsa and Nevada-Las Vegas.