HAS anything in the history of sports generated more bad puns than the latest Mike Tyson fiasco? Forget Mike, do we
really need boxing?Thankfully, the silly jokes are finally fading away. Now the attention is on the revoking of Tyson's boxing license. Was the punishment too much or not enough?
I don't care, because that shouldn't even be the question. The real issue is why this matters to us as a society. How did we get to the point where two guys trying to knock the crap out of each other passes as sport and entertainment?
And how did a thug who abuses women become a hero in the first place?
Why can we send robots to Mars, but still get off on watching people pound each other's faces into putty? This was excusable behavior when we were in intermediate school, when we passed notes to each other about Bubba calling out Buster fo' beef in the parking lot after sixth period.
What I'm getting at in a roundabout way is this: Don't ban Mike Tyson. Ban pro boxing.
Who needs it?
Send pro boxing underground, where it belongs.
Amateur boxing is fine -- it's a sport that's about hard work and quickness and technique; not dirty money and hooligans and blood. Kids learn to defend themselves by learning how to box. People don't get killed in amateur boxing. They do in pro boxing.
OK, there's the argument that there's nothing more basic in sport than two guys putting it on the line, punching each other out without wearing headgear. But is it worth it when the guys end up like Muhammad Ali and Jerry Quarry?
And sure, pro boxing has good people like Evander Holyfield and Oscar De La Hoya. But don't you think they would have turned out OK without boxing? Pro boxing also glorifies idiots like Tyson, Hector Camacho, Mitch Green (who Tyson once fought in the street) and myriad others.
When Tyson bit Holyfield's ear, he didn't do anything that any self-respecting street punk wouldn't. He did what he thought he had to do to survive. Of course, he was wrong. But people who are surprised and shocked by that action are just kidding themselves.
There are many people who, like Tyson, believe that anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for. The world is full of cheaters. They're just usually not as spectacular and stupid about it, and they are maybe just a bit more disciplined (read sneaky). They don't do it in the middle of a ring in Las Vegas in front of a worldwide television audience.
Although I support a ban of pro boxing, I have to admit to being a hypocrite. I'm not beyond shocking, grotesque violence myself: I will bite the ear of the next person who tries to tell me Evander Van Gogh-lyfield is "The Real Meal Deal," or some other such foolishness.
I just hope I don't get fined $3 million for it.
YOU can make a pretty good lineup with what's left after a panel of 36 members of the Baseball Writers Association of America released its All-Time All-Star team last week. More than 100 players and managers received votes.The writers' first team: Ted Williams, lf; Willie Mays, cf; Babe Ruth, rf; Lou Gehrig, 1b; Rogers Hornsby, 2b; Honus Wagner, ss; Mike Schmidt, 3b; Yogi Berra, c; Paul Molitor, dh; Sandy Koufax, lsp; Walter Johnson, rsp; Dennis Eckersley, rp; Casey Stengel, mgr.
Here's who we'd take from the leftovers who didn't get any votes: Lou Brock, lf; Ken Griffey Jr., cf; Mel Ott, rf; Johnny Mize, 1b; Frankie Frisch, 2b; Pee Wee Reese, ss; Graig Nettles, 3b; Gary Carter, c; Harmon Killebrew, dh; Randy Johnson, lsp; Dizzy Dean, rsp; John Franco, rp; Miller Huggins, mgr.
Al Simmons, Phil Rizzuto and Carl Yastrzemski still get iced out, but where does it end?
Dave Reardon is a magazine editor and freelance
writer who has covered Hawaii sports since 1977.
He can be reached via the Star-Bulletin or
by email at reardon@aloha.com.
