By Dave Reardon
Monday, July 22, 1996Mike Fitzgerald is on vacation.
His column returns July 31.
Mike Fitzgerald is on vacation.
His column returns July 31.
The main thing is to maintain a sense of humor. When someone types LOL, they are Laughing Out Loud with you, not at you. And don't upset the channel operators too much. They can kick you out, and then you'll only have infinity-minus-one rooms to hang out in.
Yesterday I visited a channel called "Olympics:"
(Dave) Anyone go to the Opening Ceremonies?
(Bumpkin) Yo, I did.
(Dave) Enjoyed watching them on TV, although I was hoping for Hootie and the Blowfish instead of all that classical music. What was it like in real life?
(Bumpkin) Hotter than Hades! And we were worried it might get a lot warmer if Ali dropped the torch! Fortunately, it worked out and we had one of the most touching moments in Olympic history.
(Dave) Well, the Dream Team almost dropped the ball in its first round game against Argentina. I've seen better defense in NCAA Summer League games.
(PunchDrnk) When duz boxng start? I want knockouts, blud and gore!!
(Dave) Hey, Punch, amateur boxing is fine, especially in the Olympics. Head gear, big gloves. Amateur boxing is a beautiful sport. But with the recent riot at Madison Square Garden, I've got to question if there is any socially redeeming value to pro boxing.
(PunchDrnk) Wut do you no?
(Dave) Not much, just covered a few fights. What about you?
(PunchDrnk) I'm a pro fiter in New jersy. I'm 11-23 with 14 knouckouts.
(Dave) Hmmm.
(SuKa) I don't like pro boxing, either, but why is the Dream Team you dislike? They are what America is about - money, shoes, slam dunks and money. And, how you say, attitude? The rest of the world the Dream Team loves! They are my heroes.
(Dave) Where are you from SuKa and how old are you?
(SuKa) I live in Finland and I am 12 years old!
(Dave) SuKa, you don't need to look to the U.S. basketball team for heroes. Have you heard of the winter olympic sport called the biathlon?
(SuKa) No. What is this biathlon?
(Dave) It's a sport that combines skiing and shooting. The biathlon originated when Finnish Army ski patrols bushwhacked much larger Russian formations when the Russians invaded your country during World War II. Maybe there are some Finnish biathletes who could be your heroes?
(SuKa) Oh. Interesting. But I still like Shaq!! He is, how you say, The Man.
(Dave) A real man would've stayed in Orlando and tried to win a championship. And learn to shoot free throws.
(GoUSA) Hey Dave, shut up before I ban you from this channel! The Dream Team rules!! We're going to kick butt, so who cares what you think!
(Dave) Sorry, Go, but the first Dream Team was enough for me. Bird, Magic and those guys proved the point. Do you really want in-your-face fools like Charles Barkley representing your country? They think they're too good to stay at the Olympic Village. Hey, even Grant Hill, who was a college kid just a couple years ago, has caught arrogantitis.
(GoUSA) Really, Grant Hill? He's one of the classiest young men in sports!
(Dave) Well, I used to think so, too. But being around the other jerks must have affected his thinking. Here's what he said, straight from The Sporting News. "We are different. We are professionals and we are used to traveling a certain way. We are not village people."
(GoUSA) Really? Hmmm . . . too bad Dennis Rodman's not on the team. Now, there's a real Village Person.
(Dave) LOL.