Here is your first clue: Check your Disneyworld watch.
How about this: Poof!
All right, I'll give you an easy one: What do the Orlando Magic and a broom have in common?
S-W-E-E-P.
Yes, this time the Chicago Bullies kicked Florida sand in the faces of the NBA's 98-pound playoff weaklings.
Little Penny of TV fame stood tall compared to big brother Penny Hardaway. The Shaq is currently The Shack.
And the rest of the team is still gasping for air, you know, from choking. Maybe they can get a group rate on learning the Heimlich maneuver.
OK, I'll try to be fair, even though I am a Chicago native, a diehard Bulls fan and feel very strongly that Michael Jordan should get sainthood.
You thought sports columnists were supposed to be impartial? Heh-heh. Hey, buddy, your shoes are untied. Who put that KICK ME sign on your rear end?
The Magic had several players injured, including power traitor, I mean forward, Horace Grant.
Hey, if Orlando had been healthy, the series might have gone, say 41/4 games.
Now Shaq might move to the Los Angeles Lakers to be closer to Disneyland. I believe it - inside sources say that Disney management wants a much bigger guy to wear the Mickey Mouse costume and greet people at the front gate.
Wait. Fitz wants a full timeout. It's Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. right now and the Jazz-Sonics game is in overtime, according to the 1945 wireless radio that the Star-Bulletin let me borrow.
You know those giant satellites on the roof of the News Building? All they do is beam in wire stories and photos. What a terrible waste of two big dishes not to get live sports.
So I'm off to the Columbia Inn for a few minutes. I'll be right back. (Obviously my boss has already gone home).
OK, I have returned to my desk. Geez, the price of beer in Hawaii is outrageous. You'd think I could get a deal on six pitchers in one overtime.
Oh yeah, the game.
Seattle is starting to resemble Orlando of the West. As all of you already know by now, the SuperStooges threw the game away in OT with four turnovers and the Utah Geezers pulled it out.
The big news in this, of course, is that the Bulls get several more days to rest.
And Dennis Rodman can put off his big decision on what color to dye his hair for the finals.
If senior citizens John Stockton and Karl Malone can pull it off and win the next two games, I predict the Bulls in 3.
If Seattle plays up to its vast potential and athleticism - and finally beats Utah - I like the Bulls in 4 games.
But let's get back to Orlando. Hey, how do expect Shaq to shoot free throws with a rubber band on the basketball? Those Harlem Globetrotters sure are a bunch of pranksters. But how did they get to the game ball just when O'Neal was on the line?
Shaq's free-throw shooting reminds me of that old carnival game where you have to throw the Ping-Pong balls into goldfish bowls, which were filled with goldfish that had an hour to live.
Or maybe it's more like throwing the softball into the wash basin that is almost upside down.
No, now I remember: It's the carnival free-throw shooting itself, where the ball is slightly bigger than the rim.
If Shaq is worth $20 million a year as a free agent, then what should Jordan get, professor?
Why didn't Dennis Scott play? Oh, he did.
Will Orlando coach Brian "Ant" Hill be fired?
Oops. I was going to be fair to the Magic this time. But I just happen to be out of space. Maybe next year.
Hey, Shaq, your shoes are untied.